Life, literature, rantings

Everyone needs three things in life:

1. Literature
2. More life in your life
3. The room to rant at times

Because of these necessities, I have begun this online notebook. Yes, I omitted food, sleep, and other physical importances. . . bear with me. I’m being philosophical

Tonight’s rant concerns the complications of familial relationships. What did Tolstoy say about all happy families being alike, but all unhappy families being unhappy in their own way? Something along those lines, anyway. And, another saying, you can choose your friends, but you can’t choose your relatives. Would that you could choose who loves you. Even better, that you could choose your enemies. Or honestly your leaders of state. But all of those are other rants entirely.

I believe it’s quite possible to love someone but not like them very much. I wonder if the cause of so many people’s dissatisfaction or distance from their families comes from the high divorce rate in modern society, like the traditionalists claim. Or, despite the conveniences of cell phones and e-mail, if it’s more possible for a modern person to keep a certain degree of emotional separation from family members now, simply because we were not raised on a farm, all performing chores together, where our group survival depended on each member doing their share. this emotional distance may also be a symptom of our high tech world–so many other options for communication or amusement. Parents split up, working late, spending more time at the office than at home, and at home they’re often busy with their Blackberry or shopping online or watching digital cable. Kids on their cell phones, or im’ing friends, or at the mall or soccer practice or hanging out somewhere in a pack.

I have a relationship with my mother, yes, but her criticism and pessimism drive me crazy. Other than that, I’m mostly estranged from my family. I love them, but I don’t like most of them, and seldom speak to any of them. This seems to be the norm. For the most part, everyone I know has little contact with their families. Fathers are absent. Mothers are remarried, or harried, or difficult to spend time with. Or mothers are more like friends than authority figures. We have lunch, or we go shopping, or we gossip and bitch on the phone.

It’s time, I think, to make a change here. Perhaps the old-fashioned ways could teach me something. Tolstoy could certainly teach me something. In a way, many members of my family are a bit toxic, like many people’s families. They may see me as toxic, too; who knows? If this were a novel, either there would be a suspenseful murder that brought us all together to solve a crime, or some great emotional realization brought about by a painful incident that reminded us all of the essential importance of family ties. As it is, the inertia is too easy. Leave things as they are. Play it as it lays. But I’ve never been the type to rely on inertia.

It’s time to re-examine how things work, and see if I’m missing out, or if I could be of some help to those I’m related to. Stop with the easy answers. Don’t let past differences or indifference dictate present behavior. Be the person I should be. However, I don’t know if I have the strength, the patience or the graciousness to accomplish much. But, in a way, we were isolated at one time, like pioneers on a farm in the dead of winter. We were a community. That is something to be missed. Could be, it’s not too late to have it again. Put aside anxieties, and accept who they are.

This then, I guess, is my idealistic November resolution.